I first met Andrea Vilallonga after a flight to Seville. It was September 2018 and we were both speakers at the same event. We sat together on the shuttle bus which took us to our hotel and, when we reached our destination, everybody thought we were old friends :
Andrea Vilallonga is an expert on communication and the powerful role of image in every single communications process. She is a prolific all-round author: from TEDx Talks to TV shows, from her best-seller #MÍRATE to her role as a teacher in her own school, from her conferences to her several in-company sessions. She is a real show woman and it’s fascinating to see how someone who is an expert on a specific subject is able to transmit it so naturally.
1. Image goes from the inside to the outside or the other way round?
Image is bidirectional. If I know who I am, what I want to look like, my skills and the way I am, but I am unable to show it, it will be pointless. From the inside, I work my outside to reflect the image I want to be perceived as or what I believe I am. If we do this job, we feel better on the inside. If I work on my external image, the rest (and also myself when I look in the mirror) react in a way that boosts my self-esteem and, therefore, my influence.
2. What’s the difference between “being” and “seeing”?
Many times, we “are” but we do not look like what we really are, which leads to plenty of communicational gaps. It’s crucial to understand what others see to decide what’s the message we want to transmit. The brain mixes up “seeing” with “being”. People decide who you are only by seeing you, your clothes, the way you move or behave… And they do it without you agreeing or not. If their perception does not match with who you really are, we have a communication mismatch.
3. Why do you think we have not been raised to really see who we are?
For moral, religious reasons. Traditionally speaking, the fact that looking at ourselves in a mirror was considered narcissistic and pampering ourselves was selfish. Nowadays, thanks to personal development, we are much more open on this subject. We understand that, if we want to have a meaningful, happy life, we need to know ourselves. In the olden days, being happy meant that we did not fight or suffer enough, so we didn’t deserve to be successful. Nowadays the perception has changed, except for the image. People who take care of themselves or who are not ashamed to look in the mirror are considered superficial when, deep inside, our image is what we are: our body and how we decide to communicate. Image has nothing to do with vanity, but with recognition and personal growth. If I do not know what I look like, I cannot know who I am.
4. To what extent is it crucial to accept our image to have an efficient and fruitful communication?
It’s essential. We are totally aware of what we say, but not very aware of how others see me. Nobody feels comfortable when looking at him or herself in a video. We do not recognize our voice, our movements, our bodies,… And this does not help to better communicate with others. It’s like mastering the content but not the container, which is what brings emotion and makes the message real. Accepting your own body boosts your influence: when you speak you are fully aware of the message you transmit.
5. Why is it difficult for us to be assertive or to accept a compliment?
Assertiveness is related to generosity and personal tolerance to accept everybody’s opinions, regardless if they are right or not. Different opinions just mean different perspectives. It’s difficult to accept because we do not feel secure. For instance, in Spain we are constantly interrupting, we just want our voice to be heard so that the other could not disagree with us. There’s room for all kind of opinions. Different opinions are very welcome.
Regarding why it is hard to accept a compliment, it’s because we feel we have to justify all good things happening to us. We do not deserve happiness unless we have suffered to get it. It’s a very old-fashioned way of thinking. If someone says we look great, we try to justify it. We deserve to look good, we deserve to be happy, we deserve to have a good day without feeling guilty. We are afraid we have to pay a price every time we receive a compliment and it’s a misconception.
6. What’s the meaning of “to clean up our look”?
To embrace positive focus. We can start with ourselves. In front of a mirror, we should focus on the parts of our body that we like, instead of the ones we don’t. This exercise calls for discipline and consistency. We will learn to accept and celebrate the way we are. We will re-address our look towards what we should really look like. It also works when talking about our talents. What do we like to do and easily do well? It doesn’t mean we do not have to work on what we do not do well. We must simply devote less time to the latter.
A million thanks for inspiring us, Andrea!
